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Crank has had a lot of jobs in his 34 plus years on this planet, most of them terrible.  He was a gas station attendant, nursing home food prep service worker, pizza delivery driver and has even been the guy who pushes your shopping carts back to the store.  Crank attended the University of Maryland where he came to a profound realization; he is an idiot and is wasting thousands of dollars on a creative writing degree. 

However, the biggest idiots flourish in idiotic careers.  That’s when he discovered the nonsense world of radio.  Crank gets paid to drum up all of his fears, insecurities, passions and philosophies.  He gets paid for this.  Who’s the idiot now?

Crank hates mayonnaise, ocean water, cats, flip-flops and the smell of old people.  He loves knitting, being right, karate chopping random objects, his dog Dutchess and his foreign wife, Maria.

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